1
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[rock music playing]

2
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<i>♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪</i>

3
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<i>♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪</i>

4
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<i>♪ Whoa ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Won't you come see about me? ♪</i>

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<i>♪ I'll be alone, dancing ♪</i>

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<i>♪ You know it, baby ♪</i>

8
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<i>♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪</i>

9
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<i>♪ Givin' me everything ♪</i>

10
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<i>♪ Inside and out and ♪</i>

11
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<i>♪ Love's strange ♪</i>

12
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<i>♪ So real in the dark ♪</i>

13
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<i>♪ Think of good, tender things ♪</i>

14
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<i>♪ That we were working on ♪</i>

15
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<i>♪ Slow change ♪</i>

16
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<i>♪ May pull us apart ♪</i>

17
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<i>♪ When the light gets
into your heart, baby ♪</i>

18
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<i>♪ Don't you ♪</i>

19
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<i>♪ Forget about me ♪</i>

20
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<i>♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪</i>

21
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<i>♪ Don't you ♪</i>

22
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<i>♪ Forget about me ♪</i>

23
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<i>♪ Will you stand above me ♪</i>

24
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<i>♪ Look my way ♪</i>

25
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<i>♪ But never love me? ♪</i>

26
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<i>♪ Rain keeps fallin' ♪</i>

27
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<i>♪ Rain keeps fallin' down ♪</i>

28
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<i>♪ Down, down ♪</i>

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<i>BOY: Saturday, March 24, 1984.</i>

30
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<i>Shermer High School,
Shermer, lllinois, 60062.</i>

31
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,946
<i>Dear Mr. Vernon...</i>

32
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:40,159
<i>we accept the facf that we had to
sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention</i>

33
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,786
<i>for whatever it was we did wrong.</i>

34
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,663
<i>What we did was wrong.</i>

35
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,041
<i>But we think you're crazy
to make us write an essay</i>

36
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,002
<i>telling you who we think we are.</i>

37
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,963
<i>What do you care?</i>

38
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,592
<i>You see us as you want to see us,</i>

39
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,385
<i>in the simplest terms</i>

40
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,429
<i>and most convenient definitions.</i>

41
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,973
<i>You see us as a brain,</i>

42
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:05,309
<i>an athlete,</i>

43
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,686
<i>a basket case,</i>

44
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,063
<i>a princess,</i>

45
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,899
<i>and a criminal.</i>

46
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,194
<i>Correct?</i>

47
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:22,326
<i>That's the way we saw each other
at 7:00 this morning.</i>

48
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,619
<i>We were brainwashed.</i>

49
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,215
I can't believe
you can't get me out of this.

50
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:41,178
I mean, it's so absurd
I have to be here on a Saturday.

51
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:46,683
- It's not like I'm a defective or anything.
- I'll make it up to you.

52
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:51,104
Honey, ditching class to go shopping
doesn't make you a defective.

53
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,023
Have a good day.

54
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:01,073
Is this the first time
or the last time we do this?

55
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:02,324
Last.

56
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:05,118
Well, get in there
and use the time to your advantage.

57
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,996
Mom, we're not supposed to study.
We just have to sit there and do nothing.

58
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,208
- Well, mister, you figure out a way to study.
- Yeah.

59
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,128
Well, go.

60
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,763
Hey, I screwed around. Guys screw around.

61
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:28,100
There's nothing wrong with that.
Except you got caught, sport.

62
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,978
Yeah, Mom already reamed me, all right?

63
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,730
You want to miss a match?
You want to blow your ride?

64
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,819
Now, no school is gonna give a scholarship
to a discipline case.

65
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,272
[chuckles]

66
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,452
Well, well. Here we are.

67
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,915
I wanna congratulate you
for being on time.

68
00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:17,834
Excuse me, sir.
I think there's been a mistake.

69
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:22,255
I know it's detention,
but, um, I don't think I belong in here.

70
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:28,720
It is now 7:06.

71
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:32,641
You have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes
to think about why you're here,

72
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,017
[hawks]

73
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,019
to ponder the error of your ways.

74
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,270
[hawks, spits]

75
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,149
You may not talk.

76
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,737
You will not move from these seats.

77
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:49,825
And you...

78
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,993
will not sleep.

79
00:06:56,999 --> 00:07:00,627
All right, people, we're gonna try
something a little different today.

80
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:02,712
We are going to write an essay...

81
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,883
of no less than a thousand words...

82
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,095
describing to me who you think you are.

83
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,304
This a test?

84
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:15,809
And when I say "essay," I mean essay.

85
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:21,481
I do not mean a single word
repeated a thousand times.

86
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:23,650
Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

87
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:26,653
- Crystal.
- Good.

88
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,114
Maybe you'll learn
a little something about yourself.

89
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,868
Maybe you'll even decide
whether or not you care to return.

90
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,788
Um, you know, I can answer that right now, sir.

91
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,707
That'd be "no" for me, 'cause -

92
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,209
- Sit down, Johnson.
- Thank you, sir.

93
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,839
My office is right across that hall.

94
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,467
Any monkey business is ill-advised.

95
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,718
Any questions?

96
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,848
BENDER: Yeah. I got a question.

97
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:57,976
Does Barry Manilow know
that you raid his wardrobe?

98
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:01,229
I'll give you the answer to that question,
Mr. Bender, next Saturday.

99
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,693
Don't mess with the bull, young man.
You'll get the horns.

100
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,740
That man is a brownie hound.

101
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:19,498
[clicking]

102
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,960
[clicking continues]

103
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,301
[clicks]

104
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:46,775
You keep eatin' your hand,
you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.

105
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,610
[spits]

106
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,613
I've seen you before, you know.

107
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,584
Who I think I am.

108
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,920
Who are you?

109
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,505
Who are you?

110
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,093
I am a walrus.

111
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,085
It's the shits, huh?

112
00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:50,171
[chuckles]

113
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,095
[paper crumpling]

114
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:11,359
[humming "Sunshine of Your Love"]

115
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:17,866
[humming continues]

116
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,036
I can't believe this
is really happening to me.

117
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,121
Oh, shit!

118
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,957
What are we supposed to do
if we have to take a piss?

119
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,959
- Please.
- If you gotta go, you gotta go.

120
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,461
[zipper unzips]

121
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,838
- Oh, my God.
- [groans]

122
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,966
- Hey, you're not urinating in here, man.
- Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.

123
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,803
You whip it out and you're dead
before the first drop hits the floor.

124
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:43,642
You're pretty sexy when you get angry.
[mocking growl]

125
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,730
Hey, homeboy,
why don't you go close that door?

126
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,483
We'll get the prom queen impregnated.

127
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,694
Hey. Hey!

128
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,654
What?

129
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,657
If I lose my temper, you're totaled, man.

130
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,825
Totally?

131
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:01,951
Totally.

132
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,413
Why don't you shut up?
Nobody here is interested.

133
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,416
Really.

134
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,126
Butt face.

135
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:14,381
Hey, sporto, what'd you do to get in here?
Forget to wash your jock?

136
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:17,300
Excuse me, fellas.
I think we should just write our papers.

137
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,761
Just because you live in here doesn't
give you the right to be a pain in the ass.

138
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,471
So knock it off!

139
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,932
Well, it's a free country.

140
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:27,977
He's just doing it to get a rise out of you.
Just ignore him.

141
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,438
Sweets?

142
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:34,109
You couldn't ignore me if you tried.

143
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,405
So...

144
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,741
so...

145
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,786
are you guys, like, boyfriend-girlfriend?

146
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,540
Steady dates?

147
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,001
Lovers?

148
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:56,256
Come on, sporto. Level with me.

149
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,675
Do you slip her the hot-beef injection?

150
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,552
- Go to hell!
- Enough!

151
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,929
Hey! What's going on in there?

152
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,100
Spoiled little pricks.

153
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,817
Scumbag.

154
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,362
What do you say we close that door?

155
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,282
We can't have any kind of party
with Vernon checking us out every few seconds.

156
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,367
You know,
the door's supposed to stay open.

157
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,286
- So what?
- So why don't you just shut up?

158
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,621
- There's four other people in here, you know.
- God, you can count.

159
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:31,332
See, I knew you had
to be smart to be a wrestler.

160
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,002
- Who the hell are you to judge anybody anyway?
- Really.

161
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,671
You know, Bender, you don't even count.

162
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,466
If you disappeared forever,
it wouldn't make any difference.

163
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,760
You may as well
not even exist at this school.

164
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:49,225
Well, I'll just run right out
and join the wrestling team.

165
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,436
- [chuckling]
- Maybe the prep club too.

166
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,689
- Student council.
- No. They wouldn't take you.

167
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,024
I'm hurtin'.

168
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,401
You know why guys like you
knock everything?

169
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,487
- Oh, this should be stunning.
- It's 'cause you're afraid.

170
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:04,741
Oh, God, you richies are so smart.
That's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

171
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,534
You're a big coward.

172
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,077
I'm in the math club.

173
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:12,040
You're afraid they won't take you. You don't
belong, so you have to dump all over it.

174
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,918
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do

175
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,837
with you activities people being assholes,
now, would it?

176
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,590
You wouldn't know.
You don't even know any of us.

177
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:23,051
Well, I don't know any lepers either,

178
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,261
but I'm not gonna run out
and join one of their fucking clubs.

179
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,139
- Hey, let's watch the mouth, huh?
- I'm in the physics club too.

180
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,476
Excuse me a sec.
What are you babbling about?

181
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,938
Well, what I'd said was,
I'm in the math club,

182
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:37,941
uh, the Latin club, and the physics clu -
physics club.

183
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,737
Hey. Cherry.

184
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,908
Do you belong to the physics club?

185
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,494
That's an academic club.

186
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,995
So?

187
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,542
So, academic clubs aren't
the same as other kinds of clubs.

188
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:59,379
Ah, but to dorks like him, they are.

189
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,507
What do you guys do in your club?

190
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:07,470
In physics, well, w-we, uh - we talk about
physics, uh, properties of physics.

191
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,472
So it's sort of social.

192
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:12,725
Demented and sad, but social. Right?

193
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,979
Yeah, well, I guess you could consider it
a social situation.

194
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:19,190
Um, I mean,
there are other children in my club.

195
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:24,779
And, uh, a-at the end of the year
we have a big banquet at the Hilton.

196
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,115
You load up. You party.

197
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,828
No. We get dressed up,
but we don't - we don't get high.

198
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,746
Only burners like you get high.

199
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:36,165
I didn't have any shoes,
so I had to borrow my dad's.

200
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,918
It was kinda weird, 'cause my mom
doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes.

201
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:42,922
My cousal K - Um, my cousin Kendall
from Indiana, he got high once.

202
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:47,677
He started eating really weird foods.
Then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere.

203
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,929
Kind of like, you know, Twilight Zone, kind of.

204
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,097
Sounds like you.

205
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,225
You guys keep up your talking
and Vernon's gonna come right in here.

206
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,562
I got a meet this Saturday. I'm not gonna
miss it on account of you boneheads.

207
00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:59,772
Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite, huh?

208
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:01,774
Missing a whole wrestling meet?

209
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,943
Well, you wouldn't know
anything about it, faggot.

210
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:06,863
- You never competed in your whole life.
- [whimpering] Oh, I know.

211
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,865
And I feel all empty inside because of it.

212
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:13,369
I have such a deep admiration for guys
who roll around on the floor with other guys.

213
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,414
Ah, you'd never miss it.
You don't have any goals.

214
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:17,832
- Oh, but I do.
- Yeah?

215
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,501
I want to be just like you.

216
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:24,756
I figure all I need's
a lobotomy and some tights.

217
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,843
You wear tights?

218
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,555
No, I don't wear tights.
I wear the required uniform.

219
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,765
Tights.

220
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,099
Shut up.

221
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,396
[clanks]

222
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,366
[snorts]

223
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,450
Ooh.

224
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,872
You know, there's not supposed to be
any, uh, monkey business.

225
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,166
Young man, have you finished your paper?

226
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,131
Come on, Bender, don't screw around.

227
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,425
- What are you gonna do?
- Drop dead, I hope.

228
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,760
[water running]

229
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,145
[unintelligible shout] All right!

230
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,356
Bender, that's -
that's school property there.

231
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,026
I mean, that doesn't belong to us.
It's something not to be toyed with.

232
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,988
- That's very funny. Come on. Fix it.
- You should really fix that.

233
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,281
- Am I a genius?
- No, you're an asshole.

234
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,617
- What a funny guy. Everyone, just shh.
- Fix the door, Bender!

235
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,828
[Bender] Listen. I've been here before.
I know what I'm doing.

236
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,997
- No! Fix the door! Get up there -
- [Bender] Shut up!

237
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,665
[Vernon] Goddamn it!

238
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,046
Why is that door closed?

239
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,468
Why is that door closed?

240
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,930
How are we supposed to know?
We're not supposed to move. Right?

241
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,015
Why?

242
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:02,020
We're just sitting here,
like we're supposed to.

243
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,401
Who closed that door?

244
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,530
- I think a screw fell out of it.
- It just closed, sir.

245
00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:15,283
- Who?
- [gasps]

246
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:16,868
[squeals]

247
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,703
She doesn't talk, sir.

248
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:20,288
[girl squeaks]

249
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,291
- Give me that screw.
- I don't have it.

250
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,668
You want me to yank you out of that seat
and shake it out of you?

251
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:29,756
I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time.
The world's an imperfect place.

252
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,716
Give it to me, Bender.

253
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,093
Excuse me, sir.
Why would anybody want to steal a screw?

254
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,803
Watch it, young lady.

255
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,392
[door handle rattles]

256
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,524
The door's way too heavy, sir.

257
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:59,118
- [crashing]
- Damn it! Chair's - Son of a bitch!

258
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,661
[door opens]

259
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:06,209
Andrew Clark, get up here.

260
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:09,170
- Front and center. Let's go.
- [fingers snapping]

261
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,965
- Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?
- [Vernon] That's right.

262
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:16,385
If he gets up, we'll all get up.
It'll be anarchy!

263
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,349
- Okay, watch - watch the magazines.
- [Bender] It's out of my hands.

264
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,517
[Andrew] Uh -

265
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,855
That's very clever, sir.

266
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,608
But what if there's a fire?

267
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:34,320
I think violating fire codes
and endangering the lives of children

268
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:37,323
would be unwise
at this juncture in your career, sir.

269
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:41,035
All right, what are you doing with this?
Get this out of here, for God's sake.

270
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,578
What's the matter with you? Come on.

271
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,581
The school comes equipped with fire exits
at either end of the library.

272
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,750
- [door slams]
- Show Dick some respect.

273
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,210
Let's go.

274
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,505
Go. Get back in your seat.

275
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:58,761
I expected a little more
from a varsity letterman.

276
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,014
You're not fooling anybody, Bender.

277
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,852
The next screw that falls out
is gonna be you.

278
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:08,604
[mutters] Eat my shorts.

279
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,022
What was that?

280
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,526
Eat...

281
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:14,527
my...

282
00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:15,611
shorts.

283
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,532
- You just bought yourself another Saturday.
- Oh, I'm crushed.

284
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,410
- You just bought one more right there.
- Well, I'm free the Saturday after that.

285
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,537
Beyond that,
I'm gonna have to check my calendar.

286
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,664
Good, because it's gonna be filled.

287
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:29,375
We'll keep going. You want another one?

288
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,129
Just say the word.
Instead of going to prison, you'll come here.

289
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,633
- Are you through?
- No.

290
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,635
- I'm doing society a favor.
- So?

291
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,012
That's another right now.

292
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:44,640
I've got you for the rest of your
natural-born life, if you don't watch your step.

293
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,642
- You want another one?
- Yes.

294
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,937
You got it! You got another one
right there! That's another one, pal!

295
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,064
Cut it out!

296
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,482
[mouths word]

297
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,650
You through?

298
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,736
Not even close, bud.

299
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,738
Good. You got one more right there.

300
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:01,574
- You really think I give a shit?
- Another.

301
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,913
- You through?
- How many is that?

302
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:09,790
Seven, including one when we first came in
when you asked Mr. Vernon here

303
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,918
whether Barry Manilow
knew that he raided his closet.

304
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,503
- Now it's eight. You stay out of it.
- Excuse me, sir. It's seven.

305
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,422
Shut up, pee-wee.

306
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:23,596
You're mine, Bender.
For two months, I gotcha.

307
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,349
I gotcha.

308
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,144
What can I say? I'm thrilled.

309
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,147
Oh, I'm sure that's exactly
what you want these people to believe.

310
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,482
You know something, Bender?

311
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,526
You ought to spend a little more time
trying to do something with yourself

312
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,363
and a little less time
trying to impress people.

313
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,156
You might be better off.

314
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:46,452
All right, that's it!
I'm gonna be right outside those doors.

315
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:51,123
The next time I have to come in here,
I'm cracking skulls.

316
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:05,429
Fuck you!

317
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,644
[sighs]

318
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:16,440
[mutters] Fuck.

319
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:20,528
[match strikes]

320
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,544
Wake up!

321
00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,257
Who has to go to the lavatory?

322
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:12,056
[pages tearing]

323
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:25,986
That's real intelligent.

324
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,988
You're right.

325
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,990
It's wrong to destroy literature.

326
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,910
It's such fun to read.

327
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:35,746
And...

328
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:40,793
"Molay" really pumps my nads.

329
00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:41,877
Molière.

330
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,007
I love his work.

331
00:23:56,309 --> 00:24:00,146
Big deal. Nothing to do
when you're locked in a vacancy.

332
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,189
Aw, speak for yourself.

333
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:04,275
Do you think I'd speak for you?

334
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,444
I don't even know your language.

335
00:24:09,072 --> 00:24:11,740
Hey. You grounded tonight?

336
00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:16,287
I don't know. My mom said I was,
but my dad told me just to blow her off.

337
00:24:21,334 --> 00:24:23,169
There's a big party at Stubby's.

338
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,796
Parents are in Europe.
Should be pretty wild.

339
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:27,923
- Yeah?
- Yeah. You gonna go?

340
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:31,760
- I doubt it.
- How come?

341
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:36,056
'Cause if I do what my mother tells me not
to do, it's because my father says it's okay.

342
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:39,560
It's this whole big monster deal.
It's endless. It's a total drag.

343
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,979
It's, like, any minute, divorce.

344
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:44,773
- Who do you like better?
- What?

345
00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:46,817
You like your old man
better than your mom?

346
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:50,529
- They're both screwed.
- No, I mean if you had to choose between 'em.

347
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:54,783
I don't know.

348
00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:56,994
Probably go live with my brother.

349
00:24:59,289 --> 00:25:01,582
I mean, I don't think either one of them
gives a shit about me.

350
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,626
They use me
just to get back at each other.

351
00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:05,002
Ha!

352
00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,387
Shut up!

353
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:17,556
You're just feeling sorry for yourself.

354
00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:20,017
Yeah, well, if I didn't, nobody else would.

355
00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:21,393
Oh, you're breaking my heart.

356
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:22,645
- Sporto.
- What?

357
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,650
You get along with your parents?

358
00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:30,319
Well, if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?

359
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,657
You're an idiot anyway.

360
00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:38,577
But if you say you get along
with your parents, well, you're a liar too.

361
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:51,465
You know something, man? If we weren't
in school right now, I'd waste you.

362
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,758
Can you hear this?

363
00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:55,970
You want me to turn it up?

364
00:25:57,639 --> 00:25:59,098
Hey, fellas, I mean -

365
00:26:00,350 --> 00:26:03,769
I- I don't like my parents either.
I mean, I don't -

366
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,980
I don't - I don't get along with them.

367
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:10,109
I mean, their idea of parental compassion
is just, you know...

368
00:26:11,278 --> 00:26:13,028
wacko, you know.

369
00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:15,155
- Dork.
- Yeah?

370
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,492
You are a parent's wet dream, okay?

371
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:22,454
Well, that's the problem.

372
00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,540
Look, I could see you getting all bunged up

373
00:26:24,624 --> 00:26:26,834
for them making you wear
these kind of clothes,

374
00:26:26,918 --> 00:26:30,546
but face it -
you're a neo-maxi-zum-dweeby.

375
00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:33,716
What would you be doing if you weren't
out making yourself a better citizen?

376
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,801
Why do you have to insult everybody?

377
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:39,597
I'm being honest, asshole.

378
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:42,766
I would expect you to know the difference.

379
00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,643
- Yeah, well, he's got a name.
- Yeah?

380
00:26:44,728 --> 00:26:47,062
Yeah. What's your name?

381
00:26:47,147 --> 00:26:49,398
- Brian.
- See?

382
00:26:49,482 --> 00:26:51,025
My condolences.

383
00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:55,529
What's your name?

384
00:26:58,825 --> 00:27:00,451
What's yours?

385
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,621
- Claire.
- Claire?

386
00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:05,706
Claire. It's a family name.

387
00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:07,583
No, it's a fat girl's name.

388
00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:09,001
- Oh. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

389
00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:10,669
- I'm not fat.
- Well, not at present.

390
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:13,047
But I could see you
really pushing maximum density.

391
00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:18,510
You see, I'm not sure if you know this,
but there are two kinds of fat people -

392
00:27:18,595 --> 00:27:21,180
there's fat people
that were born to be fat,

393
00:27:21,264 --> 00:27:24,600
and there's fat people that were once thin
but they became fat.

394
00:27:24,684 --> 00:27:28,771
So when you look at 'em
you can sorta see that thin person inside.

395
00:27:28,855 --> 00:27:32,566
You see, you're gonna get married,
you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies,

396
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:33,859
and then, uh...

397
00:27:33,943 --> 00:27:36,528
[makes groaning noise]

398
00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,447
[laughs] Oh.

399
00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:42,034
Obscene finger gestures
from such a pristine girl.

400
00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:44,536
I'm not that pristine.

401
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,250
Are you a virgin?

402
00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:57,383
I'll bet you a million dollars that you are.

403
00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:00,719
Let's end the suspense.

404
00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,765
<i>Is it gonna be a...
♪ White wedding? ♪</i>

405
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,977
- Why don't you just shut up?
- Have you kissed a boy on the mouth?

406
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,108
Have you ever been felt up...

407
00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:18,153
over the bra, under the blouse,

408
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:22,741
your shoes off, hoping to God
your parents don't walk in?

409
00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:27,246
Do you want me to puke?

410
00:28:29,999 --> 00:28:31,750
Over the panties...

411
00:28:33,670 --> 00:28:34,753
no bra...

412
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,424
blouse unbuttoned...

413
00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:44,179
Calvins in a ball on the front seat,
past 11:00 on a school night?

414
00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:46,807
[Andrew] Leave her alone.

415
00:28:57,610 --> 00:28:59,570
I said leave her alone.

416
00:29:02,323 --> 00:29:04,992
You gonna make me?

417
00:29:05,076 --> 00:29:06,702
Yeah.

418
00:29:13,793 --> 00:29:16,670
You and how many of your friends?

419
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:18,839
Just me.

420
00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:22,217
Just you and me. Two hits.

421
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:25,763
Me hitting you, you hitting the floor.
Anytime you're ready, pal.

422
00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:36,690
[Bender] I don't want to get
into this with you, man.

423
00:29:38,485 --> 00:29:39,693
Why not?

424
00:29:40,737 --> 00:29:42,237
'Cause I'd kill you.

425
00:29:45,867 --> 00:29:48,285
It's real simple.

426
00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:51,246
I'd kill you,
and your fucking parents would sue me.

427
00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:55,209
And it'd be a big mess, and I don't
care enough about you to bother.

428
00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:58,337
Chickenshit.

429
00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:00,589
[blade clicks]

430
00:30:09,766 --> 00:30:12,684
Let's end this right now.

431
00:30:12,769 --> 00:30:16,688
You don't talk to her.
You don't look at her.

432
00:30:16,773 --> 00:30:19,024
And you don't even think about her!
You understand me?

433
00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:22,402
I'm trying to help her.

434
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:30,828
[radio: pop music playing]

435
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,761
Brian, how you doing?

436
00:30:48,721 --> 00:30:50,347
Your dad work here?

437
00:30:56,312 --> 00:30:57,896
- Uh, Carl?
- What?

438
00:30:57,981 --> 00:31:00,649
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.

439
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:04,736
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?

440
00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:07,656
No, I just wanna know
how one becomes a janitor.

441
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:12,661
Because Andrew here is very interested
in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.

442
00:31:12,745 --> 00:31:14,079
Oh, really?

443
00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:21,378
You guys think I'm just some
untouchable peasant, serf, peon, yeah?

444
00:31:21,462 --> 00:31:22,838
Maybe so.

445
00:31:22,922 --> 00:31:26,049
But following a broom around after
shitheads like you for the last eight years,

446
00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:27,593
I've learned a couple of things.

447
00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:31,305
I look through your letters,
look through your lockers.

448
00:31:32,682 --> 00:31:36,310
I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.

449
00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:40,230
I am the eyes and ears
of this institution, my friends.

450
00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:46,194
By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.

451
00:31:46,946 --> 00:31:48,155
[Carl laughs]

452
00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:50,365
- [clattering, clanking]
- Shit.

453
00:31:56,706 --> 00:32:00,083
[Whistling "Colonel Bogey March"]

454
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:07,758
[joins in whistling]

455
00:32:09,302 --> 00:32:12,763
[whistling continues]

456
00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:31,531
[Whistling Beethoven's Fifth Symphony]

457
00:32:35,912 --> 00:32:38,288
All right, girls,
that's 30 minutes for lunch.

458
00:32:38,373 --> 00:32:40,582
- Here?
- Here.

459
00:32:40,667 --> 00:32:44,378
I think the cafeteria would be a more
suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir.

460
00:32:44,462 --> 00:32:47,673
Well, I don't care what you think, Andrew.

461
00:32:47,757 --> 00:32:48,840
[Bender] Uh, Dick?

462
00:32:48,925 --> 00:32:51,051
Excuse me. Rich.

463
00:32:51,135 --> 00:32:54,346
- Will milk be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty, sir.

464
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:57,224
I have really low tolerance
for dehydration.

465
00:32:57,308 --> 00:33:00,060
I've seen her dehydrate, sir.
It's pretty gross.

466
00:33:00,853 --> 00:33:02,229
Relax. I'll get it.

467
00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:04,064
[Vernon] Ah-ah-ah!

468
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:05,941
Grab some wood there, bub.

469
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,945
What, do you think I was born yesterday?

470
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:14,366
You think I'm gonna have you
roaming these halls?

471
00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:15,742
You.

472
00:33:21,874 --> 00:33:23,333
And you.

473
00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:25,585
Hey!

474
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:28,213
What's her name? Wake her - Wake her up.

475
00:33:28,297 --> 00:33:31,091
Hey! Come on!
On your feet, missy. Let's go.

476
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,343
This is no rest home.

477
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:38,432
There's a soft drink machine
in the teachers' lounge. Let's go.

478
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:46,356
So... what's your poison?

479
00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,069
What do you drink?

480
00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:55,032
Okay. Forget I asked.

481
00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,119
Vodka.

482
00:34:00,997 --> 00:34:02,789
Vodka?

483
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:04,666
When do you drink vodka?

484
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:06,084
Whenever.

485
00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:10,130
- A lot?
- Tons.

486
00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:13,008
Is that why you're here today?

487
00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:16,053
- Why are you here?
- Why are you here?

488
00:34:20,683 --> 00:34:21,933
Um...

489
00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:26,480
I'm here today because, uh...

490
00:34:27,815 --> 00:34:31,276
because my coach and my father
don't want me to blow my ride.

491
00:34:32,653 --> 00:34:36,656
See, I get treated differently
because, uh, Coach thinks I'm a winner.

492
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,200
So does my old man.

493
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:40,827
I'm not a winner because I want to be one.

494
00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:45,373
I'm a winner because I've got strength
and speed, kinda like a racehorse.

495
00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:49,544
That's about how involved I am
in what's happening to me.

496
00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:50,670
Yeah?

497
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,716
That's very interesting.

498
00:34:57,804 --> 00:35:00,931
Now why don't you tell me
why you're really in here?

499
00:35:01,891 --> 00:35:03,266
Forget it.

500
00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:13,693
Claire, you want to see a picture
of a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts?

501
00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:16,404
- It's pretty tasty.
- No, thank you.

502
00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:18,865
How do you think he rides a bike?

503
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:23,370
Oh, Claire?

504
00:35:23,454 --> 00:35:25,664
Would you ever
consider dating a guy like this?

505
00:35:25,748 --> 00:35:27,374
Can't you just leave me alone?

506
00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:31,628
I mean, if he had a great personality,
was a good dancer and had a cool car?

507
00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:33,630
Although you'd probably have to
ride in the back seat,

508
00:35:33,714 --> 00:35:36,007
because his nuts would ride shotgun.

509
00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:41,054
- You know what I wish I was doing?
- Ah. Watch what you say.

510
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:43,515
- Brian here is a cherry.
- A cherry?

511
00:35:43,599 --> 00:35:47,394
I wish I was on a plane to France.

512
00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:50,272
- I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid?

513
00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:52,190
I've laid lots of times.

514
00:35:52,275 --> 00:35:53,817
Name one.

515
00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:58,280
She lives in Canada.
Met her at Niagara Falls.

516
00:35:58,364 --> 00:36:01,366
- You wouldn't know her.
- Ever laid anyone around here?

517
00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:06,788
Oh. You and Claire did it?

518
00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:10,584
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Nothing.

519
00:36:10,668 --> 00:36:13,795
- Let's just drop it. We'll talk about it later.
- Drop what? What are you talking about?

520
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:18,300
Brian's trying to tell me that in addition to
the number of girls in the Niagara Falls area,

521
00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:21,094
that presently you and he
are riding the hobby horse.

522
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:23,138
Little pig.

523
00:36:23,222 --> 00:36:24,681
No, I'm not.

524
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:27,976
John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn't.
That's all that was said.

525
00:36:28,060 --> 00:36:30,896
Well, then what were you
motioning to Claire for?

526
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,731
I don't appreciate this very much, Brian.

527
00:36:32,815 --> 00:36:36,193
- He is lying.
- Oh, you weren't motioning to Claire?

528
00:36:38,237 --> 00:36:41,489
- You know he's lying, right?
- Were you or were you not motioning to Claire?

529
00:36:42,617 --> 00:36:44,242
Yeah, but it was only -

530
00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:48,496
it was only because I didn't want her
to know I was a virgin, okay?

531
00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:52,876
Excuse me for being a virgin. I'm sorry.

532
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,212
Why didn't you want me
to know you were a virgin?

533
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:58,215
Because it's personal business.
It's my personal, private business.

534
00:36:58,299 --> 00:37:01,551
Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like
you're doing any business.

535
00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:04,679
I think it's okay for a guy to be a virgin.

536
00:37:04,764 --> 00:37:05,931
You do?

537
00:37:17,985 --> 00:37:19,986
- What's in there?
- Guess.

538
00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,114
Where's your lunch?

539
00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:24,532
You're wearing it.

540
00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:26,660
You're nauseating.

541
00:37:41,717 --> 00:37:44,344
- What's that?
- Sushi.

542
00:37:46,138 --> 00:37:48,723
- Sushi?
- [chuckles]

543
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:51,393
Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.

544
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:58,149
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth,
and you're gonna eat that?

545
00:37:58,234 --> 00:38:00,443
Can I eat?

546
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,654
I don't know. Give it a try.

547
00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:31,182
[slurping]

548
00:38:39,483 --> 00:38:41,067
[Andrew] What's your problem?

549
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,837
What are we having?

550
00:39:42,922 --> 00:39:45,924
Uh, it's just your standard regular lunch,
I guess.

551
00:39:48,594 --> 00:39:50,428
- Milk?
- Soup.

552
00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:57,685
- That's apple juice.
- I can read.

553
00:39:59,021 --> 00:40:02,273
PBandJ with the crusts cut off.

554
00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:05,902
Well, Brian,
this is a very nutritious lunch.

555
00:40:05,986 --> 00:40:08,321
All the food groups are represented.

556
00:40:09,365 --> 00:40:12,242
Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

557
00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:14,536
- Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.
- Ah.

558
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:21,543
Here's my impression
of life at big Bri's house.

559
00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:28,174
"Son?"

560
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:29,717
"Yeah, Dad?"

561
00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:32,137
"How's your day, pal?"

562
00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:35,348
"Great, Dad. How's yours?"

563
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:37,100
"Super.

564
00:40:37,184 --> 00:40:42,355
Say, Son, how'd you like to
go fishing this weekend?"

565
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,566
"Great, Dad!

566
00:40:44,650 --> 00:40:47,569
But I've got homework to do. "

567
00:40:47,653 --> 00:40:51,781
"That's all right, Son.
You can do it on the boat. "

568
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,075
"Gee!"

569
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:58,955
"Dear, isn't our son swell?"

570
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,793
"Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"

571
00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:06,671
"Oh. " [kisses]

572
00:41:06,755 --> 00:41:08,381
"Oh!" [kisses]

573
00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:11,050
[grunts]

574
00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:20,101
All right. What about your family?

575
00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:21,978
- Who, mine?
- Yeah.

576
00:41:22,062 --> 00:41:23,521
It's real easy.

577
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:35,783
"Stupid, worthless,

578
00:41:35,868 --> 00:41:40,163
no-good goddamn
freeloading son of a bitch,

579
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:42,499
retarded, big mouth, know-it-all,

580
00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:44,584
asshole jerk. "

581
00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:50,632
"You forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful. "

582
00:41:50,716 --> 00:41:54,052
"Shut up, bitch!
Go fix me a turkey pot pie. "

583
00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:57,180
"What about you, Dad?"

584
00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:59,015
"Fuck you. "

585
00:41:59,099 --> 00:42:01,976
- "No, Dad. What about you?"
- "Fuck you!"

586
00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:04,479
"No, Dad, what about you?"

587
00:42:04,563 --> 00:42:05,813
"Fuck you!"

588
00:42:05,898 --> 00:42:07,273
Bam!

589
00:42:10,819 --> 00:42:13,279
- Is that for real?
- You wanna come over sometime?

590
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:16,991
That's bullshit. It's all part of your image.
I don't believe a word of it.

591
00:42:17,076 --> 00:42:18,993
You don't believe me?

592
00:42:19,078 --> 00:42:20,370
- No.
- No?

593
00:42:20,454 --> 00:42:21,496
Did I stutter?

594
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:32,131
Do you believe this?

595
00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:33,341
Huh?

596
00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:36,636
It's about the size of a cigar.

597
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,930
Do I stutter?

598
00:42:39,014 --> 00:42:43,643
See, this is what you get in my house
when you spill paint in the garage.

599
00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:50,775
See, I don't think that I need to sit
with you fuckin' dildos anymore.

600
00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:59,576
[shouting]

601
00:43:00,369 --> 00:43:01,494
Fuck!

602
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:13,089
[exhales]

603
00:43:22,224 --> 00:43:24,976
- You shouldn't have said that.
- How did I know?

604
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,521
He lies about everything anyway.

605
00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:49,751
[sighs] Oh, shit.

606
00:43:49,835 --> 00:43:51,377
Coffee.

607
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:54,797
Looks like they scrape it
off the bottom of the Mississippi River.

608
00:43:56,550 --> 00:43:58,551
Everything's polluted.
Everything's polluted.

609
00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:00,970
The coffee. The kids are polluted.

610
00:44:14,276 --> 00:44:16,736
- How do you know where Vernon went?
- I don't.

611
00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:20,114
Well, then how do you know
when he'll be back?

612
00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:21,532
I don't.

613
00:44:23,243 --> 00:44:26,037
Being bad feels pretty good, huh?

614
00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:31,000
- What's the point of going to Bender's locker?
- Beats me.

615
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:34,045
This is so stupid.

616
00:44:34,129 --> 00:44:36,756
Why do you think -
Why are we risking getting caught?

617
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,758
I don't know.

618
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,885
So then what are we doing?

619
00:44:40,969 --> 00:44:44,263
You ask me one more question,
and I'm beating the shit out of you.

620
00:44:44,348 --> 00:44:45,348
Sorry.

621
00:44:51,271 --> 00:44:54,399
- You're such a slob.
- My maid's on vacation.

622
00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:09,997
[sniffs]

623
00:45:10,999 --> 00:45:12,875
Drugs.

624
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,503
- Screw that, Bender. Put it back.
- Drugs.

625
00:45:15,587 --> 00:45:17,130
The boy has marijuana.

626
00:45:19,675 --> 00:45:22,009
- That was marijuana.
- Shut up, dick.

627
00:45:24,555 --> 00:45:26,264
Do you approve of this?

628
00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:40,611
[Bender] We'll cross through the lab
and then we'll double back.

629
00:45:40,696 --> 00:45:44,198
[Andrew] You better be right.
If Vernon cuts us off, it's your fault, asshole.

630
00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:46,617
[Brian] What did he say?
Where are we going?

631
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:58,671
[pop music playing]

632
00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:09,724
<i>[man] ♪ Hot on the run
From the grip of the power game ♪</i>

633
00:46:12,853 --> 00:46:14,771
<i>♪ The man who leads the way ♪</i>

634
00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:17,774
<i>♪ The man who leads the way ♪</i>

635
00:46:19,026 --> 00:46:22,445
<i>♪ Shower of sparks
From the sound that they'll never tame ♪</i>

636
00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:26,949
<i>♪ The man who leads the way ♪</i>

637
00:46:27,659 --> 00:46:29,827
<i>♪ The man who leads the way ♪</i>

638
00:46:29,912 --> 00:46:31,913
Wait. Wait, hold it. Hold it.

639
00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:34,540
- We have to go through the cafeteria.
- No, the activities hall.

640
00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:37,043
- You don't know what you're talking about.
- No, you don't!

641
00:46:37,127 --> 00:46:38,961
We're through listening to you.

642
00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:42,131
We're going this way.
You can go where you want, Motorhead.

643
00:46:43,383 --> 00:46:44,634
Come on!

644
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:49,263
<i>♪ He is burning ♪</i>

645
00:46:50,516 --> 00:46:52,517
<i>♪ Burning in the twilight ♪</i>

646
00:46:52,935 --> 00:46:55,102
<i>♪ He is turning ♪</i>

647
00:46:55,187 --> 00:46:57,647
<i>♪ Turning to face us ♪</i>

648
00:46:58,857 --> 00:47:00,733
<i>♪ He is burning ♪</i>

649
00:47:02,277 --> 00:47:04,695
<i>♪ Fire in the twilight ♪</i>

650
00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:08,825
- Shit!
- Great idea, jag-off.

651
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:11,410
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you. Why didn't you listen to John?

652
00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:12,829
We're dead.

653
00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:15,623
No.

654
00:47:15,707 --> 00:47:17,416
Just me.

655
00:47:17,501 --> 00:47:19,418
- What do you mean?
- Get back to the library.

656
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,379
Keep your unit on.

657
00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:26,259
<i>[shouting]
♪ I wanna be an airborne ranger ♪</i>

658
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,595
<i>♪ I wanna lead a life of danger ♪</i>

659
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,013
That son of a bitch.

660
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:33,891
<i>♪ Before the day I die ♪</i>

661
00:47:33,976 --> 00:47:36,352
<i>♪ There's five things I want to ride ♪</i>

662
00:47:36,436 --> 00:47:39,146
<i>♪ Bicycle, tricycle, automobile ♪</i>

663
00:47:39,231 --> 00:47:41,691
<i>♪ A virgin's mother and a Ferris wheel ♪</i>

664
00:47:46,321 --> 00:47:48,906
<i>♪ I wanna be an airborne ranger ♪</i>

665
00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:53,077
<i>♪ I wanna lead a life of danger ♪</i>

666
00:47:54,079 --> 00:47:57,915
[basketball bouncing]

667
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,376
[shouts]

668
00:48:00,460 --> 00:48:02,879
Three... two...

669
00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:04,505
one!

670
00:48:04,590 --> 00:48:05,965
Aah!

671
00:48:06,049 --> 00:48:08,843
- [shouting]
- Bender! Bender!

672
00:48:08,927 --> 00:48:11,053
What is this?
What are you doing here? What is this?

673
00:48:11,138 --> 00:48:12,805
Hi.

674
00:48:14,641 --> 00:48:17,810
Out. That's it, Bender. Out. It's over.

675
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:20,646
- Don't you want to hear my excuse?
- Out.

676
00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:23,316
I'm thinking of trying out
for a scholarship.

677
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,151
Give me the ball, Bender.

678
00:48:25,235 --> 00:48:26,694
Give me that.

679
00:48:44,838 --> 00:48:47,131
Get your stuff. Let's go.

680
00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:52,678
Mr. Wise Guy here's taken it upon himself
to go to the gymnasium.

681
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:57,099
I'm sorry to inform you, you're going to be
without his services for the rest of the day.

682
00:48:57,184 --> 00:49:00,102
B- O-O H-O-O.

683
00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:01,854
Everything's a big joke, huh, Bender?

684
00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:05,983
The false alarm you pulled Friday.
False alarms are really funny, aren't they?

685
00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:09,445
What if your home, what if your family -

686
00:49:10,656 --> 00:49:12,365
What if your dope was on fire?

687
00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:16,702
Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.

688
00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:20,331
Oh, you think he's funny?
You think this is cute?

689
00:49:20,415 --> 00:49:22,708
You think he's bitchin'? Is that it?

690
00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:25,544
Let me tell you something.

691
00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:27,546
Look at him.

692
00:49:28,131 --> 00:49:29,674
He's a bum.

693
00:49:29,758 --> 00:49:33,928
You want to see something funny?
You go visit John Bender in five years.

694
00:49:34,012 --> 00:49:36,639
You'll see how goddamn funny he is.

695
00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:46,399
What's the matter, John? You gonna cry?

696
00:49:49,736 --> 00:49:52,780
- Let's go.
- Hey, keep your fuckin' hands off me!

697
00:49:54,074 --> 00:49:56,409
I expect better manners from you, Dick.

698
00:49:59,162 --> 00:50:00,913
For better hallway vision.

699
00:50:08,964 --> 00:50:11,382
[door slams]

700
00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:13,968
That's the last time, Bender.

701
00:50:14,052 --> 00:50:17,346
That's the last time you ever make me look bad
in front of those kids. Do you hear me?

702
00:50:17,431 --> 00:50:20,349
I make $31,000 a year,
and I've got a home.

703
00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:22,768
And I'm not about to throw it away
on some punk like you.

704
00:50:23,562 --> 00:50:24,937
But someday, man, someday,

705
00:50:25,022 --> 00:50:27,773
when you're out of here
and you've forgotten all about this place,

706
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:29,358
and they've forgotten all about you,

707
00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:32,028
and you're wrapped up
in your own pathetic life,

708
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:34,071
I'm gonna be there.

709
00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,991
That's right.

710
00:50:37,075 --> 00:50:38,993
And I'm gonna kick the livin' shit
out of you, man.

711
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:41,746
I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.

712
00:50:44,082 --> 00:50:47,752
- You threatening me?
- What are you going to do about it?

713
00:50:50,172 --> 00:50:51,922
You think anybody's gonna believe you?

714
00:50:54,259 --> 00:50:57,261
You think anybody
is gonna take your word over mine?

715
00:50:58,764 --> 00:51:02,224
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here. I'm a swell guy.

716
00:51:02,309 --> 00:51:05,686
You're a lying sack of shit,
and everybody knows it.

717
00:51:08,356 --> 00:51:10,775
Oh, you're a tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on. Come on.

718
00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:13,277
- [clattering]
- Get on your feet, pal!

719
00:51:13,361 --> 00:51:17,073
Let's find out how tough you are.
I want to know right now how tough you are.

720
00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:19,658
Come on. I'll give you the first punch.
Let's go.

721
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:22,369
Come on, man. Right here.
Just take the first shot.

722
00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:24,747
Please, I'm begging you.
Take a shot. Right here. Come on.

723
00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:28,751
Just take one shot. That's all I need.
Just one swing.

724
00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:40,930
That's what I thought.

725
00:51:42,766 --> 00:51:45,101
You're a gutless turd.

726
00:52:25,350 --> 00:52:29,603
A naked blonde walks into a bar
with a poodle under one arm

727
00:52:29,688 --> 00:52:31,897
and a two-foot salami under the other.

728
00:52:32,524 --> 00:52:35,818
[chuckles]
She lays the poodle on the table.

729
00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:40,823
Bartender says, "I suppose
you won't be needing a drink. "

730
00:52:40,907 --> 00:52:43,075
- [creaking]
- Naked lady says -

731
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,911
Oh, shit!

732
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,248
[Vernon] Jesus Christ Almighty!

733
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:57,006
Forgot my pencil.

734
00:53:02,262 --> 00:53:03,762
Goddamn it!

735
00:53:03,847 --> 00:53:05,556
[door opens]

736
00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:08,726
What in God's name is going on in here?

737
00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:13,355
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?

738
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,774
I was just in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.

739
00:53:15,859 --> 00:53:17,860
Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

740
00:53:17,944 --> 00:53:19,778
Watch your tongue, young man. Watch it.

741
00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:22,448
Ah!

742
00:53:23,450 --> 00:53:26,076
- What is this?
- [zipping sound]

743
00:53:26,161 --> 00:53:29,663
What is that? What-What is that -
What is that noise?

744
00:53:29,748 --> 00:53:30,873
What noise?

745
00:53:30,957 --> 00:53:32,958
Really, sir, there wasn't any noise.

746
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:34,251
[gasps]

747
00:53:34,336 --> 00:53:36,170
- Ah! Aaah!
- [crunching sound]

748
00:53:36,254 --> 00:53:38,672
- Ah - [sneezes]
- [sneezing]

749
00:53:38,757 --> 00:53:41,675
- Ow!
- [coughing]

750
00:53:43,553 --> 00:53:45,721
That noise? Was that the noise
you were talking about?

751
00:53:45,805 --> 00:53:49,016
No, it wasn't.
That was not the noise I was talking about.

752
00:53:49,100 --> 00:53:54,355
Now, I may not have caught you
in the act this time, but you can bet I will.

753
00:53:54,439 --> 00:53:55,522
[chuckling]

754
00:53:56,942 --> 00:53:59,318
You make book on that, missy.

755
00:53:59,402 --> 00:54:01,070
And you!

756
00:54:01,154 --> 00:54:03,239
I will not be made a fool of.

757
00:54:08,828 --> 00:54:10,329
[door slams]

758
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:14,041
[laughing]

759
00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:15,459
Aaah!

760
00:54:19,714 --> 00:54:23,008
- It was an accident.
- You're an asshole.

761
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:26,053
Sue me.

762
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:35,104
So, Ahab, can I have all my doobage?

763
00:54:38,233 --> 00:54:39,775
[zipper unzips]

764
00:54:44,364 --> 00:54:46,907
Yo, wastoid.
You're not gonna blaze up in here.

765
00:55:12,100 --> 00:55:13,100
[clears throat]

766
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,438
[mouthing words]

767
00:55:17,522 --> 00:55:18,731
I'm not going.

768
00:55:25,488 --> 00:55:26,905
[zipper closes]

769
00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:37,374
Shit.

770
00:55:56,227 --> 00:55:57,728
[sniffs]

771
00:55:59,773 --> 00:56:02,274
[sputtering laugh]

772
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:04,276
[cackling]

773
00:56:13,161 --> 00:56:15,913
[coughing]

774
00:56:15,997 --> 00:56:19,333
[Brian mock coughing]

775
00:56:33,223 --> 00:56:36,934
Chicks cannot hold "dey" smoke.
That's what it is.

776
00:56:40,730 --> 00:56:44,149
Hmm. Do you know how popular I am?

777
00:56:44,984 --> 00:56:46,693
I am so popular.

778
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:49,613
Everybody loves me so much at this school.

779
00:56:49,697 --> 00:56:51,323
[Brian] Poor baby.

780
00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:55,411
[Brian laughs]

781
00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:03,794
[Claire chuckles]

782
00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:05,921
[Claire laughs]

783
00:57:06,005 --> 00:57:08,590
[rock music playing]

784
00:57:10,844 --> 00:57:12,970
[rock grows louder]

785
00:57:22,939 --> 00:57:24,440
Whoo!

786
00:57:26,484 --> 00:57:27,985
Ah!

787
00:57:29,487 --> 00:57:30,988
Aha! Ha!

788
00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:39,872
[whistles]

789
00:57:39,956 --> 00:57:42,332
Uh! Uh!

790
00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:43,917
[shouts]

791
00:57:45,962 --> 00:57:47,463
Whoo!

792
00:57:48,548 --> 00:57:51,133
- Whoo!
- [Brian continues whistling]

793
00:57:53,636 --> 00:57:55,429
[Claire laughing] Ow!

794
00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:57,347
Daaah!

795
00:57:57,432 --> 00:57:58,932
[Brian whistles]

796
00:58:05,148 --> 00:58:07,691
[screaming]

797
00:58:08,818 --> 00:58:10,444
[Brian] No way, man!

798
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,699
Mr. -

799
00:58:15,783 --> 00:58:17,868
Oh, Mr. Tierney.

800
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:21,955
"A history of slight mental illness. "

801
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,958
[chuckles]
Oh. No wonder he's so fucked up.

802
00:58:25,043 --> 00:58:26,919
Afternoon, Dick. [chuckles]

803
00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:28,795
Hey, Carl. How you doing?

804
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:30,589
- Good.
- Good. What's up?

805
00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:33,967
Not much. What's happening?
What are you doing in the basement files?

806
00:58:34,052 --> 00:58:36,470
Oh, nothin'. Nothin' here.
I'm just doing a little homework here.

807
00:58:36,554 --> 00:58:38,514
- Homework, huh?
- Yeah.

808
00:58:41,059 --> 00:58:43,268
Confidential files, huh?

809
00:58:44,354 --> 00:58:48,106
Look, Carl, this is a highly sensitive area,
and I tell you something -

810
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:50,108
Certain people would be
very, very embarrassed.

811
00:58:51,027 --> 00:58:53,487
I would really appreciate it
if-if-if this would be something

812
00:58:53,571 --> 00:58:56,365
that you and I could -
could keep between us.

813
00:58:57,784 --> 00:59:00,410
- What are you gonna do for me, man?
- Wh-What would you like?

814
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:03,247
- Got 50 bucks?
- What?

815
00:59:03,331 --> 00:59:05,207
Fifty bucks.

816
00:59:07,335 --> 00:59:10,837
No, no, no, man.
No. You got a middle name?

817
00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:13,507
[clears throat] Yeah. Guess.

818
00:59:13,591 --> 00:59:16,385
- [Andrew] Uh -
- Your middle name is Ralph.

819
00:59:16,469 --> 00:59:18,595
As in "puke. "

820
00:59:19,597 --> 00:59:23,392
Your birthday is March 12,
you're 5'9" and a half,

821
00:59:23,476 --> 00:59:25,686
you weigh 130 pounds,

822
00:59:25,770 --> 00:59:28,146
and your social security number is

823
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:33,610
049-38-0913.

824
00:59:35,488 --> 00:59:37,739
Wow. Are you psychic?

825
00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:39,324
No.

826
00:59:41,202 --> 00:59:43,996
Would you mind telling me
how you know all this about me?

827
00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:50,252
- I stole your wallet.
- Give it to me.

828
00:59:50,336 --> 00:59:51,837
- No.
- Give it.

829
00:59:54,132 --> 00:59:56,592
- This is great. You're a thief too, huh?
- I'm not a thief.

830
00:59:56,676 --> 00:59:58,093
Multitalented.

831
00:59:58,177 --> 01:00:01,179
What's there to steal?
Two bucks and a beaver shot.

832
01:00:01,264 --> 01:00:03,265
- A what?
- He's got a nudie picture in there.

833
01:00:03,349 --> 01:00:05,892
- I saw it. It's perverted.
- All right. Let's see it.

834
01:00:14,527 --> 01:00:17,779
- Are all these your girlfriends?
- Some of them.

835
01:00:18,406 --> 01:00:19,948
What about the others?

836
01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:24,661
Well, some I consider my girlfriends,
and some I just consider.

837
01:00:24,746 --> 01:00:26,371
Consider what?

838
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:28,415
Whether or not
I want to hang out with them.

839
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:30,959
You don't believe
in just one guy, one girl?

840
01:00:32,754 --> 01:00:35,088
- Do you?
- Yeah.

841
01:00:35,173 --> 01:00:37,215
That's the way it should be.

842
01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:39,760
- Well, not for me.
- Why not?

843
01:00:41,054 --> 01:00:43,263
How come you've got so much shit
in your purse?

844
01:00:43,348 --> 01:00:45,766
- How come you have so many girlfriends?
- I asked you first.

845
01:00:47,435 --> 01:00:49,353
I don't know.
I guess I never throw anything away.

846
01:00:51,022 --> 01:00:53,273
Neither do I.

847
01:00:53,358 --> 01:00:54,816
Oh.

848
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:57,736
This is the worst fake ID I've ever seen.

849
01:00:59,656 --> 01:01:01,907
You realize you made yourself 68?

850
01:01:01,991 --> 01:01:03,992
I know. I know. I goofed it.

851
01:01:04,077 --> 01:01:07,079
- What do you need a fake ID for?
- So I can vote.

852
01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:11,708
You want to see what's in my bag?

853
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:12,834
- No.
- No.

854
01:01:28,434 --> 01:01:30,185
Holy shit.

855
01:01:31,312 --> 01:01:32,813
What is all that stuff?

856
01:01:32,897 --> 01:01:35,190
Do you always carry this much shit
in your bag?

857
01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:37,818
Yeah.

858
01:01:37,902 --> 01:01:41,238
I always carry this much shit in my bag.

859
01:01:42,615 --> 01:01:45,367
You never know when you may have to jam.

860
01:01:46,285 --> 01:01:48,620
Are you going to be,
like, a shopping bag lady?

861
01:01:49,956 --> 01:01:53,458
You know, like, sit in alleyways
and, like, talk to buildings

862
01:01:53,543 --> 01:01:55,627
and wear men's shoes
and that kind of thing?

863
01:01:55,712 --> 01:01:58,213
I'll do what I have to do.

864
01:01:58,297 --> 01:02:00,799
Why do you have to do anything?

865
01:02:01,801 --> 01:02:06,555
My home life is unsatisfying.

866
01:02:07,598 --> 01:02:11,727
So you're saying you'd subject yourself
to the violent dangers of these Chicago streets

867
01:02:11,811 --> 01:02:13,895
because your home life is unsatisfying?

868
01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:16,148
I don't have to run away
and live in the street.

869
01:02:16,232 --> 01:02:19,234
I can run away and I can go to the ocean.
I can go to the country.

870
01:02:19,318 --> 01:02:21,945
I can go to the mountains.
I could go to Israel, Africa.

871
01:02:22,029 --> 01:02:23,530
Afghanistan.

872
01:02:32,790 --> 01:02:34,833
Andy, you want to get in on this?

873
01:02:34,917 --> 01:02:38,128
Allison here says she wants to run away

874
01:02:38,212 --> 01:02:41,631
because her home life is unsatisfying.

875
01:02:43,801 --> 01:02:45,802
Well, everyone's home life is unsatisfying.

876
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,640
If it wasn't, people would live
with their parents forever.

877
01:02:50,725 --> 01:02:54,019
Yeah, yeah, I understand,
but I think hers goes beyond

878
01:02:54,103 --> 01:02:59,024
what guys like you and me
consider normal unsatisfying.

879
01:02:59,108 --> 01:03:01,610
Never mind. Forget it. Everything's cool.

880
01:03:02,528 --> 01:03:04,154
- What's the deal?
- No.

881
01:03:05,406 --> 01:03:07,699
There's no deal, sporto.

882
01:03:07,784 --> 01:03:10,410
- Forget it. Leave me alone.
- Wait a minute.

883
01:03:10,495 --> 01:03:13,580
Now, you're carrying
all that crap around in your purse.

884
01:03:13,664 --> 01:03:17,918
Either you really wanna run away
or you want people to think you wanna run away.

885
01:03:18,002 --> 01:03:19,795
Eat shit.

886
01:03:21,714 --> 01:03:25,717
The girl is an island unto herself. Okay?

887
01:03:35,436 --> 01:03:36,436
Hi.

888
01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:40,232
- You want to talk?
- No.

889
01:03:40,316 --> 01:03:41,358
Why not?

890
01:03:43,069 --> 01:03:45,403
Go away.

891
01:03:45,488 --> 01:03:48,031
- Where do you want me to go?
- Go away!

892
01:03:58,876 --> 01:04:01,670
- You have problems.
- Oh, I have problems?

893
01:04:01,754 --> 01:04:03,922
You do everything
everybody ever tells you to do.

894
01:04:04,006 --> 01:04:06,299
- That is a problem.
- Okay, fine.

895
01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:10,053
But I didn't dump my purse out on the couch
and invite people into my problems.

896
01:04:11,722 --> 01:04:13,098
Did I?

897
01:04:17,979 --> 01:04:19,771
So what's wrong?

898
01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:23,024
What is it?

899
01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:29,823
Is it bad?

900
01:04:29,907 --> 01:04:31,950
Real bad?

901
01:04:32,034 --> 01:04:33,535
Parents?

902
01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:51,303
Yeah.

903
01:05:00,813 --> 01:05:02,981
What did they do to you?

904
01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:07,068
They ignore me.

905
01:05:09,238 --> 01:05:10,739
Yeah.

906
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,660
Yeah.

907
01:05:18,831 --> 01:05:21,374
What did you want to be
when you were young?

908
01:05:23,085 --> 01:05:26,129
When I was a kid,
I wanted to be John Lennon.

909
01:05:27,381 --> 01:05:31,301
Carl, don't be a goof.
I'm trying to make a serious point here.

910
01:05:32,386 --> 01:05:35,221
Carl, I've been teaching for 22 years.

911
01:05:37,141 --> 01:05:40,602
And each year, these kids
get more and more arrogant.

912
01:05:40,686 --> 01:05:42,979
Aw, bullshit, man.

913
01:05:43,064 --> 01:05:45,941
Come on, Vern.
The kids haven't changed. You have.

914
01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:47,192
[sighs]

915
01:05:48,569 --> 01:05:51,446
You took a teaching position
because you thought it'd be fun, right?

916
01:05:52,239 --> 01:05:54,699
Thought you could have
summer vacations off.

917
01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:58,578
And then you found out it was actually work.
That really bummed you out.

918
01:06:01,457 --> 01:06:03,458
These kids turned on me.

919
01:06:06,253 --> 01:06:08,672
They think I'm a big fucking joke.

920
01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:10,632
Come off it.

921
01:06:10,716 --> 01:06:14,344
Listen, Vern, if you were 16,
what would you think of you, huh?

922
01:06:14,428 --> 01:06:19,432
Hey, Carl, you think I give one rat's ass
what these kids think of me?

923
01:06:19,517 --> 01:06:21,601
Yes, I do.

924
01:06:22,728 --> 01:06:24,521
You think about this.

925
01:06:24,605 --> 01:06:26,356
When you get old, these kids -

926
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:29,150
When I get old,
they're gonna be running the country.

927
01:06:29,235 --> 01:06:31,403
[chuckles] Yeah.

928
01:06:32,363 --> 01:06:36,199
Now, this is the thought that wakes me up
in the middle of the night -

929
01:06:36,826 --> 01:06:39,828
That when I get older,
these kids are gonna take care of me.

930
01:06:41,163 --> 01:06:42,539
I wouldn't count on it.

931
01:06:47,003 --> 01:06:49,295
What would I do for a million bucks?

932
01:06:50,715 --> 01:06:53,341
I guess I'd do as little as I had to.

933
01:06:53,426 --> 01:06:55,802
- That's boring.
- How am I supposed to answer?

934
01:06:56,762 --> 01:07:00,140
The idea is to, like, search your mind
for the absolute limit.

935
01:07:00,224 --> 01:07:01,391
Like, um...

936
01:07:03,436 --> 01:07:05,645
would you drive to school naked?

937
01:07:07,398 --> 01:07:10,692
Um, would I have to get out of the car?

938
01:07:11,986 --> 01:07:14,779
- Of course.
- In the spring or winter?

939
01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:16,823
[Claire] Doesn't matter. Spring.

940
01:07:16,907 --> 01:07:19,451
[Andrew] In front of the school
or in back of the school?

941
01:07:19,535 --> 01:07:22,245
- Either one.
- Yes.

942
01:07:22,329 --> 01:07:24,664
I'd do that.

943
01:07:25,374 --> 01:07:28,126
I'll do anything sexual. I don't need
a million dollars to do it either.

944
01:07:29,754 --> 01:07:32,589
- You're lying.
- I already have.

945
01:07:32,673 --> 01:07:36,051
I've done just about everything there is,
except a few things that are illegal.

946
01:07:37,470 --> 01:07:39,304
I'm a nymphomaniac.

947
01:07:40,848 --> 01:07:41,931
[Claire] Lie.

948
01:07:42,975 --> 01:07:45,101
Are your parents aware of this?

949
01:07:45,186 --> 01:07:46,978
The only person I told was my shrink.

950
01:07:47,772 --> 01:07:51,316
- What did he do when you told him?
- He nailed me.

951
01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:57,072
Very nice.

952
01:07:57,156 --> 01:07:59,574
I don't think that, from a legal standpoint,

953
01:07:59,658 --> 01:08:02,452
what he did can be construed as rape
since I paid him.

954
01:08:02,536 --> 01:08:04,037
He's an adult.

955
01:08:04,121 --> 01:08:06,623
Yeah. He's married too.

956
01:08:06,707 --> 01:08:11,002
Oh! Do you have any idea
how completely gross that is?

957
01:08:11,087 --> 01:08:14,214
- Well, the first few times -
- The first few times?

958
01:08:14,298 --> 01:08:16,758
- You mean you did it more than once?
- Sure.

959
01:08:16,842 --> 01:08:18,343
Are you crazy?

960
01:08:18,427 --> 01:08:21,554
Obviously she's crazy
if she's screwing her shrink.

961
01:08:22,723 --> 01:08:24,724
Have you ever done it?

962
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:29,229
I don't even have a psychiatrist.

963
01:08:29,313 --> 01:08:31,397
Have you ever done it
with a normal person?

964
01:08:32,024 --> 01:08:35,610
- Didn't we already cover this?
- You never answered the question.

965
01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:39,948
Look, I'm not gonna discuss my private life
with total strangers.

966
01:08:40,032 --> 01:08:43,409
- It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?
- A what?

967
01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:46,496
Well, if you say you haven't,
you're a prude.

968
01:08:47,248 --> 01:08:49,958
If you say you have, you're a slut.

969
01:08:50,042 --> 01:08:51,543
It's a trap.

970
01:08:51,627 --> 01:08:53,336
You want to, but you can't.

971
01:08:53,420 --> 01:08:55,755
And when you do,
you wish you didn't, right?

972
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:59,092
- Wrong.
- Or are you a tease?

973
01:09:00,469 --> 01:09:03,680
- She's a tease.
- I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it?

974
01:09:03,764 --> 01:09:06,224
Oh, you're a tease and you know it.
All girls are teases.

975
01:09:06,308 --> 01:09:08,351
She's only a tease
if what she does gets you hot.

976
01:09:08,435 --> 01:09:09,769
I don't do anything!

977
01:09:09,854 --> 01:09:12,647
That's why you're a tease.

978
01:09:12,731 --> 01:09:16,442
- Okay, let me ask you a few questions.
- I already told you everything.

979
01:09:16,527 --> 01:09:19,112
No, doesn't it bother you to sleep around
without being in love?

980
01:09:19,196 --> 01:09:20,613
Don't you want any respect?

981
01:09:20,698 --> 01:09:24,909
I don't screw to get respect.
That's a difference between you and me.

982
01:09:25,578 --> 01:09:28,037
- It's not the only difference, I hope.
- [Bender] Face it.

983
01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:29,956
- You're a tease.
- I'm not a tease.

984
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:33,001
Sure, you are. Sex is your weapon.
You said it yourself.

985
01:09:33,085 --> 01:09:34,961
You use it to get respect.

986
01:09:36,172 --> 01:09:38,798
No, I never said that.
She twisted my words around.

987
01:09:38,883 --> 01:09:41,968
- What do you use if for then?
- I don't use it, period!

988
01:09:42,052 --> 01:09:45,680
Oh, are you medically frigid,
or is it psychological?

989
01:09:45,764 --> 01:09:49,058
I didn't mean it that way.
You guys are putting words into my mouth!

990
01:09:49,143 --> 01:09:50,935
Well, if you'd just answer the question.

991
01:09:51,020 --> 01:09:53,396
- [Brian] Why don't you answer the question?
- [Andrew] Be honest. No big deal.

992
01:09:53,480 --> 01:09:55,440
- [Brian] Answer it.
- [Andrew] Answer the question, Claire.

993
01:09:55,524 --> 01:09:58,109
- Talk to us.
- Come on, answer the question!

994
01:09:58,194 --> 01:10:00,695
- [all clamoring]
- [Bender] It's easy. It's only one question.

995
01:10:00,779 --> 01:10:02,906
No! I never did it!

996
01:10:07,494 --> 01:10:09,329
I never did it either.

997
01:10:12,333 --> 01:10:14,417
I'm not a nymphomaniac.

998
01:10:14,501 --> 01:10:16,044
I'm a compulsive liar.

999
01:10:17,171 --> 01:10:19,672
You are such a bitch!

1000
01:10:20,716 --> 01:10:23,009
You did that on purpose,
just to fuck me over.

1001
01:10:23,093 --> 01:10:25,386
I would do it though.

1002
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:28,348
If you love someone, it's okay.

1003
01:10:28,432 --> 01:10:30,516
[Claire]
I can't believe you. You're so weird.

1004
01:10:30,601 --> 01:10:33,436
You don't say anything all day,
and then when you open your mouth,

1005
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:36,147
you unload all these tremendous lies
all over me.

1006
01:10:36,232 --> 01:10:39,943
You're just pissed off because she got you
to admit something you didn't want to admit to.

1007
01:10:40,027 --> 01:10:42,237
Okay, fine, but that doesn't
make it any less bizarre.

1008
01:10:42,321 --> 01:10:44,155
What's bizarre?

1009
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:46,824
We're all pretty bizarre.

1010
01:10:46,909 --> 01:10:49,911
Some of us are just better at hiding it,
that's all.

1011
01:10:49,995 --> 01:10:52,247
How are you bizarre?

1012
01:10:53,832 --> 01:10:56,209
He can't think for himself.

1013
01:10:57,336 --> 01:10:58,461
She's right.

1014
01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:02,423
Do you guys know
what I did to get in here?

1015
01:11:05,302 --> 01:11:07,679
I taped Larry Lester's buns together.

1016
01:11:08,597 --> 01:11:09,722
That was you?

1017
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:13,768
- Yeah. You know him?
- Yeah, I know him.

1018
01:11:15,145 --> 01:11:18,147
Well, then you know how hairy he is, right?

1019
01:11:18,232 --> 01:11:20,984
Well, when they pulled the tape off,

1020
01:11:21,068 --> 01:11:24,654
most of his hair came off,
and some - some skin too.

1021
01:11:24,738 --> 01:11:26,864
Oh, my God.

1022
01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:29,867
And the bizarre thing is,

1023
01:11:29,952 --> 01:11:32,203
is that I did it for my old man.

1024
01:11:33,831 --> 01:11:36,582
I tortured this poor kid

1025
01:11:36,667 --> 01:11:39,168
because I wanted him to think
that I was cool.

1026
01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:45,591
He's always going off
about when he was in school...

1027
01:11:46,593 --> 01:11:48,886
all the wild things he used to do.

1028
01:11:50,180 --> 01:11:53,099
And I got the feeling
that he was disappointed

1029
01:11:53,183 --> 01:11:55,560
that I never cut loose on anyone, right?

1030
01:11:58,397 --> 01:12:01,149
So I'm sitting in the locker room...

1031
01:12:02,484 --> 01:12:04,527
and I'm taping up my knee...

1032
01:12:06,613 --> 01:12:10,700
and Larry's undressing
a couple of lockers down from me.

1033
01:12:13,162 --> 01:12:16,289
And... he's kind of -

1034
01:12:16,373 --> 01:12:18,958
he's kind of skinny, weak.

1035
01:12:20,961 --> 01:12:24,756
And I started thinking about my father

1036
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:27,842
and his attitude about - about weakness.

1037
01:12:29,553 --> 01:12:31,554
And the next thing I knew...

1038
01:12:33,307 --> 01:12:36,851
I- I jumped on top of him
and started whaling on him.

1039
01:12:39,438 --> 01:12:42,231
And my friends,
they just laughed and cheered me on.

1040
01:12:45,944 --> 01:12:47,570
And afterwards...

1041
01:12:49,656 --> 01:12:52,241
when I was sitting in Vernon's office...

1042
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:57,413
all I could think about...

1043
01:12:58,540 --> 01:13:00,375
was Larry's father...

1044
01:13:02,086 --> 01:13:04,170
and Larry having to go home...

1045
01:13:06,298 --> 01:13:09,884
and - and explain what happened to him.

1046
01:13:13,722 --> 01:13:16,140
And... the humiliation -

1047
01:13:18,310 --> 01:13:21,020
the fucking humiliation he must have felt.

1048
01:13:24,733 --> 01:13:26,734
It must have been unreal.

1049
01:13:29,530 --> 01:13:32,740
I mean, how do you apologize
for something like that?

1050
01:13:37,121 --> 01:13:38,746
There's no way.

1051
01:13:43,377 --> 01:13:45,795
It's all because of me and my old man.

1052
01:13:50,134 --> 01:13:51,968
God, I fucking hate him.

1053
01:13:54,763 --> 01:13:56,180
He's like this -

1054
01:13:56,265 --> 01:13:59,559
He's like this mindless machine
that I can't even relate to anymore.

1055
01:14:01,311 --> 01:14:03,563
"Andrew,

1056
01:14:03,647 --> 01:14:05,857
you've got to be number one!

1057
01:14:06,733 --> 01:14:09,360
I won't tolerate any losers in this family.

1058
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:11,529
Your intensity is for shit!

1059
01:14:11,613 --> 01:14:13,781
Win! Win! Win!"

1060
01:14:15,617 --> 01:14:17,994
You son of a bitch.

1061
01:14:20,998 --> 01:14:24,083
You know, sometimes
I wish my knee would give.

1062
01:14:25,502 --> 01:14:28,463
Then I wouldn't be able
to wrestle anymore.

1063
01:14:29,214 --> 01:14:31,507
Then he could forget all about me.

1064
01:14:32,759 --> 01:14:36,846
I think your old man and my old man
should get together and go bowling.

1065
01:14:42,478 --> 01:14:45,354
It's like me, you know, with my grades,

1066
01:14:45,439 --> 01:14:48,566
like when I - when I -
when I step outside myself, kind of,

1067
01:14:48,650 --> 01:14:51,527
and, like, when I look in at myself,
you know?

1068
01:14:54,740 --> 01:14:56,574
And I see me.

1069
01:15:00,370 --> 01:15:02,371
I don't like what I see.

1070
01:15:03,874 --> 01:15:05,833
I really don't.

1071
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:08,044
What's wrong with you?

1072
01:15:08,128 --> 01:15:10,421
Why don't you like yourself?

1073
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:12,924
Sounds stupid, but...

1074
01:15:17,095 --> 01:15:18,721
because I'm failing shop.

1075
01:15:20,557 --> 01:15:24,393
We had this assignment, you know,
to make this, like, ceramic elephant.

1076
01:15:25,437 --> 01:15:27,647
And we had eight weeks to do it.

1077
01:15:27,731 --> 01:15:31,150
And then, you know, we're supposed to -
It was like a lamp.

1078
01:15:31,235 --> 01:15:35,238
And, you know, when you pull the trunk,
the light was supposed to go on.

1079
01:15:37,449 --> 01:15:40,326
You know, but my light didn't go on.

1080
01:15:40,410 --> 01:15:42,161
I got an "F" on it.

1081
01:15:44,373 --> 01:15:47,124
I've never gotten an "F" in my life.

1082
01:15:47,209 --> 01:15:51,837
When I signed up for the course, I mean,
I thought I was playing it real smart.

1083
01:15:51,922 --> 01:15:53,923
'Cause I thought, "I'll take shop.

1084
01:15:54,007 --> 01:15:56,425
It'll be such an easy way to maintain
my grade point average. "

1085
01:15:56,510 --> 01:15:58,427
Why'd you think it'd be easy?

1086
01:16:01,223 --> 01:16:03,015
Have you seen
some of the dopes that take shop?

1087
01:16:03,100 --> 01:16:04,725
I take shop.

1088
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,019
You must be a fuckin' idiot.

1089
01:16:07,104 --> 01:16:08,896
I'm a fuckin' idiot
because I can't make a lamp?

1090
01:16:08,981 --> 01:16:11,524
No, you're a genius
'cause you can't make a lamp.

1091
01:16:13,235 --> 01:16:16,153
- What do you know about trigonometry?
- I could care less about trigonometry.

1092
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:19,115
Bender, did you know, without trigonometry
there'd be no engineering?

1093
01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:21,033
Without lamps, there'd be no light.

1094
01:16:21,118 --> 01:16:24,829
Okay, so neither one of you
is any better than the other one.

1095
01:16:24,913 --> 01:16:27,290
I can write with my toes.

1096
01:16:28,208 --> 01:16:30,751
I can also eat, brush my teeth -

1097
01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:33,337
With your feet?

1098
01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:36,173
- Play "Heart and Soul" on the piano.
- I can make spaghetti.

1099
01:16:38,135 --> 01:16:40,052
What can you do?

1100
01:16:40,137 --> 01:16:43,472
I can, uh, tape all of your buns together.

1101
01:16:43,557 --> 01:16:46,559
I wanna see what Claire can do.

1102
01:16:46,643 --> 01:16:49,228
- I can't do anything.
- You know, everybody can do something.

1103
01:16:51,356 --> 01:16:54,066
There's one thing I can do.

1104
01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:57,528
<i>- No, forget it. It's way too embarrassing.
- You ever seen Wild Kingdom?</i>

1105
01:16:57,613 --> 01:17:00,573
That guy's been doing that show
for 30 years.

1106
01:17:00,657 --> 01:17:04,994
Okay, but you have to swear to God
you won't laugh.

1107
01:17:08,665 --> 01:17:10,166
Okay.

1108
01:17:12,336 --> 01:17:15,087
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

1109
01:17:28,852 --> 01:17:30,186
[Brian applauding]

1110
01:17:30,270 --> 01:17:32,563
All right. That's great.

1111
01:17:33,982 --> 01:17:36,609
- Where'd you learn to do that?
- Camp, seventh grade.

1112
01:17:36,693 --> 01:17:39,904
[John clapping slowly]

1113
01:17:42,574 --> 01:17:44,450
That was great, Claire.

1114
01:17:45,702 --> 01:17:47,953
My image of you is totally blown.

1115
01:17:48,038 --> 01:17:50,706
You're a shit. Don't do that to her.

1116
01:17:50,791 --> 01:17:53,459
- You swore to God you wouldn't laugh.
- Am I laughing?

1117
01:17:53,543 --> 01:17:55,044
You fucking prick!

1118
01:17:57,881 --> 01:18:00,883
What do you care what I think, anyway?

1119
01:18:02,260 --> 01:18:04,887
I don't even count, right?

1120
01:18:04,971 --> 01:18:08,391
I could disappear forever,
and it wouldn't make any difference.

1121
01:18:10,477 --> 01:18:13,270
I may as well not even exist
at this school.

1122
01:18:13,355 --> 01:18:14,855
Remember?

1123
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:21,987
And you... don't like me anyway.

1124
01:18:22,072 --> 01:18:24,281
You know,
I have just as many feelings as you do,

1125
01:18:24,366 --> 01:18:26,784
and it hurts just as much
when somebody steps all over them.

1126
01:18:26,868 --> 01:18:28,619
God, you're so pathetic.

1127
01:18:28,704 --> 01:18:33,874
Don't you ever, ever
compare yourself to me. Okay?

1128
01:18:33,959 --> 01:18:37,044
You got everything, and I got shit.

1129
01:18:37,129 --> 01:18:39,213
Fucking Rapunzel, right?

1130
01:18:39,297 --> 01:18:42,299
School would probably fuckin' shut down
if you didn't show up.

1131
01:18:42,384 --> 01:18:45,010
Queenie isn't here.

1132
01:18:45,095 --> 01:18:47,680
I like those earrings, Claire.

1133
01:18:47,764 --> 01:18:50,099
- Shut up.
- Are those real diamonds, Claire?

1134
01:18:50,183 --> 01:18:52,393
- Shut up.
- I bet they are.

1135
01:18:53,645 --> 01:18:55,938
Did you work for the money
for those earrings?

1136
01:18:56,022 --> 01:18:57,940
Shut your mouth.

1137
01:18:58,024 --> 01:19:00,693
- Or did Daddy buy those for you?
- Shut up!

1138
01:19:00,777 --> 01:19:03,154
I bet he bought those for you.

1139
01:19:03,238 --> 01:19:07,241
I bet those were a Christmas gift, right?

1140
01:19:07,325 --> 01:19:09,160
You know what I got for Christmas
this year?

1141
01:19:09,244 --> 01:19:12,079
It was a banner fuckin' year
at the old Bender family.

1142
01:19:12,164 --> 01:19:13,956
I got a carton of cigarettes.

1143
01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:17,251
The old man grabbed me,
said, "Hey, smoke up, Johnny. "

1144
01:19:17,878 --> 01:19:21,088
Okay, so go home and cry to your daddy.
Don't cry here, okay?

1145
01:19:33,518 --> 01:19:36,020
My God, are we gonna be like our parents?

1146
01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:38,147
Not me.

1147
01:19:41,610 --> 01:19:42,860
Ever.

1148
01:19:45,071 --> 01:19:46,989
It's unavoidable.

1149
01:19:47,991 --> 01:19:49,617
Just happens.

1150
01:19:51,203 --> 01:19:52,745
[Claire] What happens?

1151
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:58,542
When you grow up... your heart dies.

1152
01:19:58,627 --> 01:19:59,919
Who cares?

1153
01:20:01,588 --> 01:20:03,047
I care.

1154
01:20:05,383 --> 01:20:07,676
[Brian] Um, I was just thinking, I mean...

1155
01:20:09,012 --> 01:20:12,431
I know it's kind of a weird time,
but I was just wondering, um...

1156
01:20:15,519 --> 01:20:19,522
what is gonna happen to us on Monday
when we're all together again?

1157
01:20:21,316 --> 01:20:23,818
I mean, I consider you guys my friends.

1158
01:20:25,111 --> 01:20:26,779
I'm not wrong, am I?

1159
01:20:28,281 --> 01:20:29,281
No.

1160
01:20:30,450 --> 01:20:32,910
So on Monday, what happens?

1161
01:20:32,994 --> 01:20:34,829
Are we still friends, you mean?

1162
01:20:36,081 --> 01:20:38,499
- If we're friends now, that is?
- Yeah.

1163
01:20:40,126 --> 01:20:43,462
- Do you want the truth?
- Yeah, I want the truth.

1164
01:20:45,048 --> 01:20:47,049
I don't think so.

1165
01:20:48,510 --> 01:20:50,302
With all of us or just John?

1166
01:20:51,763 --> 01:20:53,347
With all of you.

1167
01:20:53,431 --> 01:20:57,309
- That's a real nice attitude, Claire.
- Oh, be honest, Andy.

1168
01:20:57,394 --> 01:21:00,271
If Brian came walking up to you in the hall
on Monday, what would you do?

1169
01:21:01,773 --> 01:21:04,817
I mean, picture this.
You're there with all the sports.

1170
01:21:04,901 --> 01:21:06,652
I know exactly what you'd do.

1171
01:21:06,736 --> 01:21:08,904
You'd say hi to him,
and when he left, you'd cut him all up

1172
01:21:08,989 --> 01:21:11,323
so your friends wouldn't think
that you really liked him.

1173
01:21:11,408 --> 01:21:12,867
No way.

1174
01:21:14,661 --> 01:21:16,787
Okay. What if I came up to you?

1175
01:21:16,872 --> 01:21:18,497
The same exact thing.

1176
01:21:18,582 --> 01:21:21,500
You are a bitch!

1177
01:21:21,585 --> 01:21:24,295
Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth?
That makes me a bitch?

1178
01:21:24,379 --> 01:21:26,964
No. 'Cause you know
how shitty that is to do to someone,

1179
01:21:27,048 --> 01:21:29,425
and you don't got the balls
to stand up to your friends

1180
01:21:29,509 --> 01:21:31,635
and tell 'em that you're gonna like
who you wanna like.

1181
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:33,971
Okay, what about you, you hypocrite?

1182
01:21:34,055 --> 01:21:37,349
Why don't you take Allison to one
of your heavy metal vomit parties?

1183
01:21:37,434 --> 01:21:39,810
Or take Brian out to the parking lot
at lunch to get high?

1184
01:21:39,895 --> 01:21:42,271
What about Andy, for that matter?
What about me?

1185
01:21:42,355 --> 01:21:45,274
What would your friends say
if we were walking down the hall together?

1186
01:21:45,358 --> 01:21:48,652
They'd laugh their asses off, and you'd probably
tell them that you were doing it with me

1187
01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:50,321
so they'd forgive you
for being seen with me.

1188
01:21:50,405 --> 01:21:52,448
Don't you ever talk about my friends!

1189
01:21:52,532 --> 01:21:55,367
You don't know any of my friends,
you don't look at any of my friends,

1190
01:21:55,452 --> 01:21:58,203
and you certainly wouldn't condescend
to speak to any of my friends!

1191
01:21:58,288 --> 01:22:00,122
So you just stick to the things
that you know -

1192
01:22:00,206 --> 01:22:02,958
shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW

1193
01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:05,544
and your poor, rich,
drunk mother in the Caribbean!

1194
01:22:05,629 --> 01:22:06,629
Shut up!

1195
01:22:06,713 --> 01:22:09,882
As far as being concerned about what's gonna
happen when you and I walk down the hallways,

1196
01:22:09,966 --> 01:22:12,343
you can forget it
'cause it's never gonna happen!

1197
01:22:12,427 --> 01:22:15,638
Just bury your head in the sand
and wait for your fuckin' prom.

1198
01:22:15,722 --> 01:22:17,348
I hate you!

1199
01:22:17,432 --> 01:22:18,766
Yeah? Good!

1200
01:22:25,315 --> 01:22:28,025
Then I assume Allison and I
are better people than you guys, huh?

1201
01:22:29,527 --> 01:22:31,654
Us weirdos?

1202
01:22:33,281 --> 01:22:35,824
Would you - Would you do that to me?

1203
01:22:36,743 --> 01:22:38,369
I don't have any friends.

1204
01:22:40,747 --> 01:22:42,414
Well, if you did.

1205
01:22:42,499 --> 01:22:43,999
No.

1206
01:22:46,378 --> 01:22:48,921
I don't think the kind of friends
I'd have would mind.

1207
01:22:50,256 --> 01:22:54,510
I just want to tell each of you
that I wouldn't do that.

1208
01:22:55,637 --> 01:22:57,638
I wouldn't and I will not.

1209
01:23:00,475 --> 01:23:02,810
'Cause I think that's real shitty.

1210
01:23:04,771 --> 01:23:07,314
Your friends wouldn't mind
because they look up to us.

1211
01:23:11,236 --> 01:23:14,238
You're so conceited, Claire.

1212
01:23:14,322 --> 01:23:16,699
You're so conceited.

1213
01:23:16,783 --> 01:23:18,784
You're so, like, full of yourself.
Why are you like that?

1214
01:23:18,868 --> 01:23:22,705
I'm not saying that to be conceited.

1215
01:23:22,789 --> 01:23:26,875
I hate it. I hate having to go along
with everything my friends say.

1216
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:29,628
[Brian] Then why do you do it?

1217
01:23:29,713 --> 01:23:31,338
I don't know. I don't...

1218
01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:34,758
You don't understand. You don't...

1219
01:23:36,177 --> 01:23:40,014
You're not friends with the same kind
of people that Andy and I are friends with.

1220
01:23:40,098 --> 01:23:44,810
You know, you just don't understand
the pressure that they can put on you.

1221
01:23:44,894 --> 01:23:46,937
I don't understand what?

1222
01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:49,023
You think I don't
understand pressure, Claire?

1223
01:23:50,525 --> 01:23:52,401
Well, fuck you!

1224
01:23:52,485 --> 01:23:54,236
Fuck you!

1225
01:24:01,327 --> 01:24:03,370
You know why I'm here today?

1226
01:24:05,749 --> 01:24:07,166
Do you?

1227
01:24:10,712 --> 01:24:13,464
I'm here... because...

1228
01:24:14,299 --> 01:24:17,634
Mr. Ryan found a gun in my locker.

1229
01:24:20,722 --> 01:24:22,389
Why did you have a gun in your locker?

1230
01:24:24,142 --> 01:24:25,642
I tried.

1231
01:24:27,854 --> 01:24:31,065
You pull the fuckin'... trunk on it,

1232
01:24:31,149 --> 01:24:33,442
and the light's supposed to go on.

1233
01:24:34,277 --> 01:24:36,236
It didn't go on. I mean, I...

1234
01:24:38,406 --> 01:24:41,283
- [Andrew] What's the gun for, Brian?
- Just forget it.

1235
01:24:41,367 --> 01:24:42,493
You brought it up, man.

1236
01:24:45,705 --> 01:24:47,539
I can't have an "F."

1237
01:24:51,252 --> 01:24:53,253
I can't have it.

1238
01:24:54,339 --> 01:24:56,632
And I know my parents can't have it.

1239
01:24:59,260 --> 01:25:03,180
Even if I ace the rest of the semester,
I'm still only a "B."

1240
01:25:03,264 --> 01:25:04,973
Everything's ruined for me.

1241
01:25:05,934 --> 01:25:07,768
[Claire] Oh, Brian.

1242
01:25:14,275 --> 01:25:16,819
Considering my options, you know?

1243
01:25:16,903 --> 01:25:18,987
No. Killing yourself is not an option.

1244
01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:22,157
Well, I didn't do it, did I?
No, I don't think so.

1245
01:25:23,159 --> 01:25:25,369
It was a handgun?

1246
01:25:26,746 --> 01:25:29,414
No, it was a flare gun.
Went off in my locker.

1247
01:25:29,499 --> 01:25:33,669
Really? [wheezing laugh]

1248
01:25:33,753 --> 01:25:35,546
It's not funny.

1249
01:25:36,381 --> 01:25:38,423
[clears throat] Mm-hmm.

1250
01:25:41,261 --> 01:25:42,678
[Andrew laughing]

1251
01:25:43,888 --> 01:25:46,431
[sniffling]

1252
01:25:50,270 --> 01:25:52,354
Yes, it is.

1253
01:25:52,438 --> 01:25:54,231
[Andrew, Brian laughing]

1254
01:25:54,315 --> 01:25:56,942
Fucking elephant was destroyed.

1255
01:25:58,027 --> 01:26:01,655
You want to know what I did to get in here?

1256
01:26:04,033 --> 01:26:05,534
Nothing.

1257
01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:08,954
I didn't have anything better to do.

1258
01:26:14,919 --> 01:26:17,171
You're laughing at me.

1259
01:26:17,255 --> 01:26:19,548
- No.
- Yeah, you are.

1260
01:26:22,552 --> 01:26:24,761
[pop rock playing]

1261
01:26:24,846 --> 01:26:26,346
[record scratches]

1262
01:26:26,431 --> 01:26:29,183
[pop rock continues]

1263
01:26:44,324 --> 01:26:47,075
<i>[woman]
♪ Things look clear in black and white ♪</i>

1264
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:50,662
<i>♪ The living color tends to dye our sight ♪</i>

1265
01:26:50,747 --> 01:26:52,956
<i>♪ Like dynamite ♪</i>

1266
01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:57,085
<i>♪ Just imagine my surprise ♪</i>

1267
01:26:57,170 --> 01:27:00,839
<i>♪ When I looked into your eyes and saw ♪</i>

1268
01:27:00,924 --> 01:27:03,091
<i>♪ Through your disguise ♪</i>

1269
01:27:04,344 --> 01:27:06,720
<i>♪ If we dare expose our hearts ♪</i>

1270
01:27:06,804 --> 01:27:09,223
<i>♪ And just reveal the purest parts ♪</i>

1271
01:27:09,307 --> 01:27:14,269
<i>♪ That's when strange sensations
Start to grow ♪</i>

1272
01:27:14,354 --> 01:27:16,647
<i>♪ We are not alone ♪</i>

1273
01:27:16,731 --> 01:27:18,982
<i>♪ You find out when your cover's blown ♪</i>

1274
01:27:19,067 --> 01:27:23,320
<i>♪ There'll be somebody there
To break your fall ♪</i>

1275
01:27:24,489 --> 01:27:26,406
<i>♪ We are not alone ♪</i>

1276
01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:28,909
<i>♪ 'Cause when you cut down to the bone ♪</i>

1277
01:27:28,993 --> 01:27:33,413
<i>♪ We're really not so different after all ♪</i>

1278
01:27:50,640 --> 01:27:51,932
[pop rock ends]

1279
01:28:05,697 --> 01:28:07,197
Brian?

1280
01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:08,865
Hmm?

1281
01:28:08,950 --> 01:28:11,159
Are you gonna write your paper?

1282
01:28:11,244 --> 01:28:13,203
Yeah. Why?

1283
01:28:14,414 --> 01:28:17,833
Well, it's kind of a waste for all of us
to write our paper, don't you think?

1284
01:28:18,418 --> 01:28:21,003
Well, that's what Vernon wants us to do.

1285
01:28:21,087 --> 01:28:24,506
True, but I think we'd all
kind of say the same thing.

1286
01:28:26,134 --> 01:28:29,261
You just don't want to
write your paper, right?

1287
01:28:29,345 --> 01:28:31,221
True, but...

1288
01:28:32,056 --> 01:28:33,682
you're the smartest, right?

1289
01:28:33,766 --> 01:28:35,600
Well... um...

1290
01:28:35,685 --> 01:28:37,311
We trust you.

1291
01:28:40,273 --> 01:28:41,773
Yeah.

1292
01:28:44,527 --> 01:28:46,028
All right.

1293
01:28:47,196 --> 01:28:48,697
I'll do it.

1294
01:28:49,449 --> 01:28:50,949
Okay.

1295
01:29:04,005 --> 01:29:05,839
Come on.

1296
01:29:05,923 --> 01:29:07,674
Where are we going?

1297
01:29:07,759 --> 01:29:09,676
Come on.

1298
01:29:10,762 --> 01:29:12,596
[Claire] Don't be afraid.

1299
01:29:14,682 --> 01:29:16,391
Don't stick that in my eye.

1300
01:29:16,476 --> 01:29:20,062
I'm not sticking it. Just close it...
No, wait. Just go - Go like that.

1301
01:29:21,773 --> 01:29:22,939
Good.

1302
01:29:23,024 --> 01:29:25,233
[squealing]

1303
01:29:26,235 --> 01:29:29,488
You know, you really do look a lot better
without all that black shit on your eyes.

1304
01:29:29,572 --> 01:29:32,032
Hey, I like that black shit.

1305
01:29:33,493 --> 01:29:36,078
This looks a lot better.

1306
01:29:36,162 --> 01:29:37,579
Look up.

1307
01:29:43,252 --> 01:29:46,171
[snorting]

1308
01:29:46,255 --> 01:29:49,132
Please. Why are you being so nice to me?

1309
01:29:50,343 --> 01:29:51,843
'Cause you're letting me.

1310
01:29:59,811 --> 01:30:02,020
[door opens]

1311
01:30:09,654 --> 01:30:10,862
You lost?

1312
01:31:03,624 --> 01:31:05,375
[whispers] Thank you.

1313
01:31:08,421 --> 01:31:09,921
[kisses]

1314
01:31:13,092 --> 01:31:16,761
- Why'd you do that?
- 'Cause I knew you wouldn't.

1315
01:31:18,931 --> 01:31:22,976
You know how you said before how your
parents use you to get back at each other?

1316
01:31:23,060 --> 01:31:25,479
Wouldn't I be outstanding
in that capacity?

1317
01:31:28,566 --> 01:31:32,068
Were you really disgusted
about what I did with my lipstick?

1318
01:31:32,153 --> 01:31:34,237
Truth?

1319
01:31:34,322 --> 01:31:36,406
Truth.

1320
01:31:36,491 --> 01:31:37,824
No.

1321
01:31:47,627 --> 01:31:49,127
What happened to you?

1322
01:31:50,963 --> 01:31:52,964
Why? Claire did it.

1323
01:31:58,262 --> 01:31:59,554
What's wrong?

1324
01:32:00,348 --> 01:32:03,141
Nothing's wrong. It's just...

1325
01:32:03,226 --> 01:32:06,353
It's just so different, you know?

1326
01:32:07,355 --> 01:32:09,272
I can see your face.

1327
01:32:09,982 --> 01:32:11,525
Is that good or bad?

1328
01:32:13,236 --> 01:32:15,153
It's good.

1329
01:32:30,086 --> 01:32:32,003
- See you, Brian.
- Hey, Carl.

1330
01:32:33,756 --> 01:32:35,757
- See you next Saturday.
- You bet.

1331
01:32:36,259 --> 01:32:38,260
[pop rock playing]

1332
01:32:45,643 --> 01:32:49,354
<i>[man] ♪ Won't you come see about me? ♪</i>

1333
01:32:49,438 --> 01:32:52,023
<i>♪ I'll be alone, dancing ♪</i>

1334
01:32:52,108 --> 01:32:54,359
<i>♪ You know it, baby ♪</i>

1335
01:32:54,443 --> 01:32:58,196
<i>♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪</i>

1336
01:32:58,281 --> 01:33:01,825
<i>♪ Giving me everything inside and out ♪</i>

1337
01:33:01,909 --> 01:33:04,578
<i>♪ And love's strange ♪</i>

1338
01:33:04,662 --> 01:33:06,997
<i>♪ So real in the dark ♪</i>

1339
01:33:07,081 --> 01:33:11,876
<i>♪ Think of good tender things
That we were working on ♪</i>

1340
01:33:11,961 --> 01:33:16,131
<i>♪ Slow change may pull us apart ♪</i>

1341
01:33:16,215 --> 01:33:20,802
<i>♪ When the light gets
into your heart, baby ♪</i>

1342
01:33:20,886 --> 01:33:25,223
<i>♪ Don't you forget about me ♪</i>

1343
01:33:26,976 --> 01:33:29,644
<i>♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪</i>

1344
01:33:29,729 --> 01:33:34,232
<i>♪ Don't you forget about me ♪</i>

1345
01:33:38,070 --> 01:33:42,282
<i>♪ Will you stand above me ♪</i>

1346
01:33:42,366 --> 01:33:46,786
<i>♪ Look my way, but never love me? ♪</i>

1347
01:33:46,871 --> 01:33:48,788
<i>♪ Rain keeps fallin' ♪</i>

1348
01:33:48,873 --> 01:33:54,711
<i>♪ Rain keeps fallin' down, down, down ♪</i>

1349
01:33:55,755 --> 01:34:00,008
<i>♪ Will you recognize me ♪</i>

1350
01:34:00,092 --> 01:34:03,803
<i>♪ Call my name or walk on by? ♪</i>

1351
01:34:03,888 --> 01:34:06,473
<i>♪ As the rain keeps fallin' ♪</i>

1352
01:34:06,557 --> 01:34:11,311
<i>♪ Rain keeps fallin' down, down ♪</i>

1353
01:34:11,395 --> 01:34:13,605
<i>♪ Down, down ♪</i>

1354
01:34:15,524 --> 01:34:18,777
<i>♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪</i>

1355
01:34:18,861 --> 01:34:21,655
<i>♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, whoa ♪</i>

1356
01:34:21,739 --> 01:34:23,365
[Brian] DearMr. Vernon...

1357
01:34:24,659 --> 01:34:27,494
<i>we accept the facf that we had to sacrifice
a whole Saturday in detention</i>

1358
01:34:27,578 --> 01:34:29,913
<i>for whatever it was we did wrong.</i>

1359
01:34:29,997 --> 01:34:31,998
<i>But we think you're crazy
to make us write an essay</i>

1360
01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:34,250
<i>telling you who we think we are.</i>

1361
01:34:34,335 --> 01:34:36,503
<i>You see us as you want to see us,</i>

1362
01:34:36,587 --> 01:34:40,090
<i>in the simplest terms,
with the most convenient definitions.</i>

1363
01:34:40,841 --> 01:34:44,844
<i>But what we found out
is that each one of us is a brain -</i>

1364
01:34:44,929 --> 01:34:46,596
<i>[Andrew] And an athlete.</i>

1365
01:34:46,681 --> 01:34:48,598
<i>[Allison] And a basket case.</i>

1366
01:34:48,683 --> 01:34:49,849
[Claire] A princess.

1367
01:34:49,934 --> 01:34:51,726
<i>[Bender] And a criminal.</i>

1368
01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:53,812
<i>[Brian] Does that answer your question?</i>

1369
01:34:54,855 --> 01:34:58,233
<i>Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.</i>

1370
01:34:59,735 --> 01:35:02,404
<i>♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪</i>

1371
01:35:02,488 --> 01:35:07,492
<i>♪ Don't you forget about me ♪</i>

1372
01:35:09,203 --> 01:35:11,913
<i>♪ As you walk on by ♪</i>

1373
01:35:13,541 --> 01:35:17,961
<i>♪ Will you call my name? ♪</i>

1374
01:35:18,045 --> 01:35:22,257
<i>♪ As you walk on by ♪</i>

1375
01:35:22,341 --> 01:35:26,511
<i>♪ Will you call my name? ♪</i>

1376
01:35:26,595 --> 01:35:29,305
<i>♪ When you walk away ♪</i>

1377
01:35:29,390 --> 01:35:32,684
[pop rock playing: new song]

1378
01:35:50,661 --> 01:35:54,122
<i>[man] ♪ When you walked into the room ♪</i>

1379
01:35:54,206 --> 01:35:57,625
<i>♪ I could see you were no fool ♪</i>

1380
01:35:57,710 --> 01:36:00,712
<i>♪ Is that smile a sign for me? ♪</i>

1381
01:36:02,214 --> 01:36:04,507
<i>♪ Only if my heart could see ♪</i>

1382
01:36:11,974 --> 01:36:15,477
<i>[woman] ♪ Will I make your body cry ♪</i>

1383
01:36:15,561 --> 01:36:19,022
<i>♪ Cry so loud you'd never hear? ♪</i>

1384
01:36:19,106 --> 01:36:22,233
<i>♪ In the shadows of my life ♪</i>

1385
01:36:23,611 --> 01:36:26,029
<i>♪ Can I take you home tonight? ♪</i>

1386
01:36:33,746 --> 01:36:37,373
<i>♪ Is your heart too hot to hold? ♪</i>

1387
01:36:37,458 --> 01:36:41,294
<i>♪ Just a flame that burns my soul ♪</i>

1388
01:36:41,378 --> 01:36:43,755
<i>♪ Heart too hot to hold ♪</i>

1389
01:36:43,839 --> 01:36:45,465
<i>♪ Too hot, too hot ♪</i>

1390
01:36:45,549 --> 01:36:48,510
<i>♪ Too hot to hold ♪</i>

1391
01:36:48,594 --> 01:36:51,554
<i>♪ Heart too hot to hold ♪</i>

1392
01:36:51,639 --> 01:36:55,433
<i>♪ Just a flame that burns my soul ♪</i>

1393
01:36:55,518 --> 01:36:57,977
<i>♪ Heart too hot to hold ♪</i>

1394
01:36:58,062 --> 01:36:59,562
<i>♪ Too hot, too hot ♪</i>

1395
01:36:59,647 --> 01:37:02,649
<i>♪ Too hot to hold ♪</i>